Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know
by Takianna
Summary: Obidala. What happens when the life you had, you can't remember?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter I**

_Yesterday you offered me courage_

_today you endowed me with your strength._

_Every moment together a gift._

_Every day a celebration of life._

_**From Near You by Orania Hamilton**_

"Another jedi," jedi master Mace Windu sighed as he placed the datapad down on his desk and pushed it away. The war was taking a toll on the jedi on every front. Masters and padawans were over taxed with missions. Many were separated by death.

The force was taking a beating and now Master Windu had received word that Obi-wan Kenobi was among the latest injured. It was a sad state the jedi were in if Kenobi was laying in the medical wing of the Temple. What hope would lesser jedi have against the Separatists?

"Get me Master Yoda's com," Windu said as he depressed the button for the intercom system. The channel buzzed for a moment and then the sage jedi master was on the other end.

"Read the report, have you?" the Grand Master asked thoughtfully.

"Yes Master Yoda."

"Visit him, we should."

"I'll meet you in the medical wing."

...

The medical wing of the Temple had always given Anakin an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. It was too white and too sterile for Skywalker's tastes. It only added to the sense of urgency he had in needing to see his former master.

Somehow, this was already all his fault.

"Skywalker," a Bith healer beckoned him from the door to the room in which they were treating Obi-wan.

Anakin stepped forward timidly as she opened the door more fully for him to come inside.

The sight was shocking. Obi-wan had been stripped from his jedi clothing and was covered to the waist with a sheet. His head had patches of dried blood which had not been cleaned and his hair stuck to his head.

"It's a medical coma," the healer said in a gentle voice as she put an arm around Anakin's waist and moved him closer to the bed.

"Why?" Anakin asked his voice wavering as he took in the body of his master laying lifelessly on the bed.

"Healing occurs much more quickly if he doesn't fight us. When he arrived Master Kenobi was combative and unable to calm himself," she explained moving to the other side of the bed to check several monitors which were beeping and flashing.

"He didn't know where he was," Anakin confirmed with a nod of his head.

The Bith turned her large black eyes towards Anakin as though she could see through to his very soul. His body shivered of it's own will.

"Head trauma is rather unusual. The brain can't comprehend what is happening when it has been injured," she said wisely. She turned back to the monitors and made several notes on the screen with a stylus.

Anakin just stood in the same spot she had left him, unable to move any closer to where Obi-wan could be dying. Yes, this was all _**his**_ fault.

"Not dying," the alien said once again in that irritating gentle tone.

Skywalker's eyes shot to her and then back to Obi-wan's bed.

"Then what do you call it?" he asked, his voice tight with frustration.

"We are very skilled healers Knight Skywalker," she said in a rather aloof tone. "I call it recoverable."

The Bith pulled a chair closer to the bed, which was surrounded by monitors. She motioned for Anakin to sit. His legs felt like lead as he moved towards the chair. When he was finally seated, she regarded him with her large black eyes. Somehow those eyes pierced through Anakin.

"Master Kenobi can still hear you," she said as she moved to exit the room. "Perhaps you should comfort him."

...

"The prognosis Healer Ochiono," Master Yoda asked leaning heavily on his small gimmerstick.

"Master Kenobi will recover," the Bith healer stated confidently. "At this time, we don't know the extent of damage to the brain."

Master Yoda looked past the healer, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. It was hard to discern the future, even for the Grand Master of the Jedi Order.

"Master Windu and I wish to see him," Yoda finally said.

"Yes Masters."

The tall Korun master and the small Grand Master walked slowly down the hall following the healer. They both carried the burden of what this injury implied for one of the most respected jedi in the order.

Obi-wan Kenobi may never be an active jedi again.

"Knight Skywalker is already inside," Healer Ochiono stated stopping at the door. Master Windu's body tightened at the mere mention of Skywalker's name. They had always had a volatile relationship. Some whispered it was because they were too similar in personality. Others said that Master Windu was jealous of Anakin being the Chosen One. No one really knew the answer.

As the door swished open, Anakin Skywalker turned to see who was coming to visit Obi-wan. Although the sickened feeling in his stomach already told him one of the visitors was Master Windu. A grimace crossed the young man's face. He knew the older master would blame him.

"The sedation is only for medical purposes," Ochiono explained to the new arrivals.

"Knight Skywalker," Master Yoda greeted sagely as his gimmerstick clicked rhythmically on the tiled floor. "Good to see you well, it is."

Anakin stood and bowed in the appropriate greeting for one so highly esteemed. "Thank you master."

"Can you tell us about how Master Kenobi sustained such injuries?" Master Windu asked wasting no time on pleasantries.

"I wasn't in the ship, but one of the clones conveyed the information to me," Anakin explained, his mouth suddenly very dry.

"Very well," Windu said gesturing for him to proceed.

"As the ship began to invert due to lack of aft thrusters," Anakin explained using a hand to portray the ship. "They were hit on the starboard side with a blaster cannon shot, which sent the ship into a spin."

Anakin looked to Master Yoda who nodded thoughtfully.

"When they went to eject," Anakin continued, "Master Kenobi was thrown against the canopy, which didn't clear before the seat rockets engaged."

The room fell silent except for the beeping of monitors.

"Thank you Knight Skywalker," Master Windu said. "You may return to your quarters until you are given a new assignment."

Anakin's mouth gaped at the master. "Won't I be staying until Master Kenobi recovers?"

"Short on jedi, we are," Yoda chimed into the conversation. "Needed on the front we all are."

"Yes master," Anakin said tightly and bowed again before leaving the room quickly.

"He will be dangerous on missions alone," Windu said thoughtfully looking at the closed door.

"Hmmmm," Yoda agreed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II**

_Lovers forget your love,_

_And list to the love of these,_

_She a window flower,_

_And he a winter breeze._

_**From Wind and Window Flower by Robert Frost**_

"How long has he been awake?" Master Windu asked into his comlink as his feet moved quickly towards the nearest turbolift.

"Almost an hour," the Bith healer Ochiono replied in her gentle way. "We have given him force inhibitors for his protection."

Obi-wan had been in a coma for almost a month. No one was sure what the accident had done to the jedi's cognitive abilities. The force inhibitors would keep everyone safe, including Obi-wan.

...

"Don't struggle to remember names," Ochiono said laying a knowing had on Obi-wan's arm. She could see the desperation in the jedi master's eyes as he tried to form the words to identify the Korun master standing at the foot of his bed.

"Master ..." Obi-wan looked thoughtful and then his eyes lit up as the name came to him. "Windu."

"Master Kenobi," Windu greeted warmly and sat in the chair pulled up to the bed. "You look well."

"Thank you," Obi-wan said and smiled at the other jedi.

Obi-wan was thankful that he had been rescued, but he wasn't sure what he had been rescued from. He had been told that he was the survivor of an accident, but Obi-wan didn't remember anything that led up to the accident.

"How is Anakin?" Obi-wan asked as he looked at Master Windu. Why did he feel as though he was being sized-up?

"He is on a mission to Ryloth," Windu explained.

Obi-wan nodded his head as he thought. A boy of Anakin's age would have been given a temporary master until Obi-wan recovered. Padawans could not be left to their own devised while they waited for someone to heal. He pitied whoever was given the assignment. Obi-wan noted that he must personally thank the person.

"Which master has he been assigned to?"

Master Windu's features contorted in a look of sadness. Something had happened. Obi-wan sighed. What had Anakin done now?

"The mission is alone," the older jedi finally spoke. The words were chosen very carefully. That seemed odd to Obi-wan. What weren't they telling him?

"At his age?" Obi-wan choked the words out. "You all must have gone hyperspace crazy while I've been out of it."

"How old do you think he is?" Windu asked his face a mask.

"We just celebrated his twelfth life day, Master Windu," Obi-wan said in disbelieve. "You came to the dinner at our quarters."

...

"Almost ten years," Master Windu said as he regarded the sage jedi master. "He believed Anakin to be 12 years old."

The little green master jedi leaned on his gimmerstick and shook his head thoughtfully. Master Kenobi was suffering from short term amnesia. The healers had no explanation.

"Recall Skywalker," Yoda said. "Seeing his former apprentice might make him remember."

"Communications are patchy at best on Ryloth," Windu stated. The last thing he wanted was Skywalker here fretting over Obi-wan's care.

"Hmmmm," Yoda murmured as he looked at his most trusted confidant. "Someone else closer you have in mind?"

"Senator Amidala," Windu confessed. "They have been rather good friends over the years. Maybe she can help him remember."

"Call her, I shall," Master Yoda agreed.

...

Senator Padme Amidala inclined her head in greeting to the Grand Master of the Jedi Order. The call she had received from him earlier in the day had left a chill in her body. Master Obi-wan Kenobi had been injured and that was the extent of what the public knew. Now she knew the extent of his memory loss and it frightened her.

"I will help in anyway I can," Padme said trying to keep up the charade of being okay, although she wasn't.

"Happy to see you Master Kenobi will be," Yoda said as they walked slowly down the corridor toward Obi-wan's room in the medical wing.

"I hope so," Padme said. So much had happened between the now Senator and jedi master. She hoped he wasn't still as upset at her over Anakin as the last time she saw him.

"Remember that he does not," Yoda said stopping in front of the door.

"Master Yoda," she started, "We were not on the best of terms. Do you think I'm the person who should be doing this?"

"Strong emotion could trigger Master Kenobi's memory," the Grand Master stated. "Aware of the conflict, I am."

Padme shook her head in confirmation. Obi-wan had been upset over the short affair she had been having with his padawan. When all the information was brought into the open, Obi-wan had told her that she should've known better. Padme had known better and that was why she had refused to marry Anakin and shortly there after made the anonymous call to the council. Obi-wan never knew she was the one who turned Anakin in, but he was still very upset at her when they had last spoken.

"Speak to you later," Master Yoda said shaking her from her thoughts.

"Yes Master Yoda," Padme said her shaking hand reaching to depress the door button. As the door swished aside she was greeted by the sterile room. Obi-wan was standing, shirt removed, by the small window in the room. His blue eyes darted to the door.

"Milady," Obi-wan said bowing in acknowledgment of her presence. He reached for the pajama shirt on the bed and slipped it over his head. A smile spread across his face as his cheeks flushed red.

"Please," she said shocked at the use of her royal title. "Let's dispense with titles. How are you feeling Obi-wan?"

"I'm well," Obi-wan said. "Some people seem to think I've lost it though."

Padme tried to keep her face a mask of compassion. She wasn't sure how much they had told Obi-wan and whether a slip on her part would be dangerous to the fragile state of his psyche. It was all such new territory for her, but she had to help him.

She felt no ill will towards the man who stood before her. What he had said to her during the rough time with Anakin had merely been a feeble attempt for his mind to make sense of something that seemed so shocking. Anakin had been the apple of Obi-wan's eye and the lie hurt him deeply. Padme knew because it had hurt her deeply to turn him into the council.

"Well I've come to visit and I think you are fine," Padme said moving to sit in the chair by the bed.

"I don't understand why you are here on Coruscant," Obi-wan said sitting on the edge of the bed facing her. He nervously smoothed the pants he wore. He knew they weren't telling him everything.

"Obi-wan," she said reaching across the short distance to grasp his hand with hers. "I'm not the Queen of Naboo anymore. I haven't been for almost ten years."

The shock in the jedi's eyes told the whole story. Obi-wan was confused and held her hand like it was a lifeline to the world he should be remembering, but couldn't.

"What has happened to me?" he asked his voice catching in his throat. This was a mistake. Padme had to be wrong.

"I want to see Anakin, NOW!"

She flinched at how demanding his voice had become. Blue gray eyes flashed as he stood abruptly and went to the small window. Placing a hand on either side, Obi-wan hung his head. His body shook as he sobbed. Padme quickly went to comfort him, but he shrugged away her arms which were trying to encircle the jedi's strong shoulders.

"Let me help you," Padme said softly as she folded her hands in front of her.

Slowly, she reached to touch his back again as it trembled. Obi-wan turned to face her and threw his arms around her slight frame. Slowly she lowered them to the ground, stroking his hair as the emotions poured from him.

The loss of emotional control in a jedi such as Obi-wan, who was everything a jedi should be, was unnerving to her soul.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

_When I look at you,_

_I can't help but remember_

_the first time I saw you._

_**From Forbidden Love by Karen J. Cino**_

Pacing was something he had become good at during the past few days. The small hospital room felt like a prison to Obi-wan. His head still spinning from what Padme had told him. Did he really not remember the past ten years?

Obi-wan nervously ran his hand through his hair. No. It couldn't be true. This was a dream and somehow he was still stuck in a coma. It just had to be the explanation.

The door to his room opened and he felt like he wanted to run. The Bith healer was hovering, or so Obi-wan thought.

"I need to take your vital signs," she said in that terribly soothing voice. Obi-wan sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. This was getting annoying. He put out his arm and waited for her to attach the monitoring device to his wrist.

"You are refusing visitors," Healer Ochiono said as she calibrated the machine. "Why?"

Obi-wan looked at her with an anger soaked stare. He knew he shouldn't feel the anger, but he did.

"I really don't care to see anybody," Obi-wan finally said.

"Senator Amidala has been here everyday asking to see you," the healer said and removed the cuff, satisfied by the readings she had gotten.

His cheeks flushed red. Obi-wan was too embarrassed to see her again. Things had gone so terribly wrong when she had been there before. Somehow, he knew he couldn't face her right now. No. It wasn't right to see her.

"You should go out to the gardens," Ochiono said and looked over the jedi master.

"Sure," Obi-wan conceded. He was tired of the Bith healer hovering over him every minute. Her eyes were so unnerving to him. They were large pools of blackness which reminded him of the lost memories locked somewhere deep in his mind. What he wouldn't give to remember something. Anything.

...

The gardens of the Temple were bright and sunny. Obi-wan laid on a patch of grass letting the sun warm his skin. Healer Ochiono had been right about getting out of his room. The fresh air brought back memories of when he had been a young padawan in the Temple.

How many times had Qui-gon found him in the garden sunning himself? A smile spread across Obi-wan's face. He was thankful that he still had those memories, but his heart sank because he still couldn't remember so many things.

"These gardens always remind me of home," a female voice said from above him. Obi-wan opened his eyes to see Padme smiling down at him. Her hair hung in curls about her shoulders and she was wearing an off the shoulder gown of lightest pink. He smiled back at her and sat up.

"I should've known this was a set-up," Obi-wan laughed and gestured for her to join him on the grass.

"Not so much a set-up as a suggestion," she laughed and sat down next to him, the skirt of her gown pooling around her knees. "How are you feeling today?"

Obi-wan sighed heavily. How would anyone feel if their life had been erased from their memory?

"I don't know how I feel," he said honestly and laid back on the grass, tucking his hands behind his head.

"Well that would be expected," she said softly her hands brushing over the green grass.

"Tell me what I've missed. I mean, last I remember you were still the Queen of Naboo."

She chuckled. A man who can't remember the last ten years of his life and he asked about her. Obi-wan had always been a gentleman and even now he was acting as such. His ability to think of others amazed her.

"Well after my term, I wanted to retire from public life. The notoriety of the blockade and ensuing battle was oppressive sometimes.

"Unfortunately, I was needed in the Senate to represent the system. No one else had as much experience, especially with the coming storm of the war."

The silence between them lasted for quite a bit of time. The only sound was that of birds singing in the trees nearby. Finally Obi-wan stirred, coming to a sitting position and looking at Padme.

"The war," he started, voice thin and tight, "I don't remember anything about it."

Padme's eyes were full of compassion as she looked him over. What would she tell him and how would she explain all that he'd done for the Republic?

"Maybe it's a good thing you don't remember it," Padme said softly. The war had been very brutal on all fronts and somehow she envied Obi-wan's inability to remember. His head just bobbed in confirmation, but Obi-wan said nothing.

"I hear Anakin will be returning soon," Padme said, the other jedi's name catching in her throat.

"That is what Master Yoda has said," he said picking absently at the grass. His blue eyes studied her face. "I sense some tension about him coming from you."

The Senator's cheeks flushed and she used her the palms of her hands to smooth her skirt nervously. She was avoiding saying anything and Obi-wan didn't need to be a jedi to figure it out. Something she bundled up and kept very deeply in her soul.

"Forgive me," he said sighing. "I've overstepped my bounds."

Padme reached for his hand and grasped it in understanding, but said nothing. They sat enjoying the sun and sounds of the garden.

...

Anakin had been warned, but not prepared for the look of shock which now graced his former master's face. It made him want to shake the man until he recognized Anakin.

"I'm sorry pada..." Obi-wan started, then stopped and corrected himself. "Anakin."

Heartbreak was evident in Obi-wan's voice. The man who stood before him now clad in armor, was not the gangly pre-teen which was stored in his mind. Gone was the padawan braid, jedi tunic and robe, replaced with all the armaments of battle. Anakin's demeanor and signature in the force had darkened and were both very shadowy and hard to read.

"Say something," Anakin prodded.

"I don't remember _**this**_ being you," Obi-wan said and collapsed heavily into the one chair in the room. What did this person want from him anyway?

Crossing his arms over his chest, Anakin narrowed his eyes at his former master.

"We were just on the battlefield together two months ago," Anakin tried to shake some memory from Obi-wan. Something had to make him remember.

Obi-wan merely shrugged. He felt as though Anakin expected so much more from him, but what else could he give? There were no memories of them fighting together to even try to retrieve. There was nothing.

"I need some time alone," Obi-wan finally said, turning his head so he didn't have to look at Anakin. He didn't want to see the disappointment on Anakin's face because he could sense it roiling at him through the force.

Anakin stormed from the room seething at being dismissed like a padawan.

...

"Released, Obi-wan should be," Master Yoda said as he sat in his darkened meditation room.

"We can't just let him wander around the temple," Master Windu said. "There still is some question about his stability with using the force."

Yoda's large eyes regarded the highly esteemed Korun master.

"A plan, I have," Yoda smiled summoning his comlink from a nearby table. The small cylinder drifted through the air and landed gently in his outstretched hand.

...

Obi-wan pulled at his tunic again nervously and waited for someone to answer the door buzzer.

The door finally opened to reveal the gold protocol droid who served as Senator Amidala's butler.

"Master Kenobi," the high pitched voice said acting as though it recognized him. "Mistress Padme is waiting your arrival on the balcony."

Following the gesture of the droid's hand, Obi-wan stepped inside and dropped his small duffle next to the front door. He walked out towards the balcony and found Padme reading on one of the large sitting areas' couches.

"Master Kenobi," she said pleased to see him. She rose fluidly from her seat and greeted him gesturing for him to join her on the large couch.

"Thank you for having me Senator," he said taking the seat she offered.

"Well having a jedi as my personal bodyguard seemed like such a great offer," she smiled and then winked at him playfully.

"I'll do my best to perform my duty," he said light heartedly. With her, he didn't feel as though time were missing. Padme eased the constant pressure for him to remember.

"I'll have Threepio show you to your quarters," Padme said rising from her seat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

_When I close my eyes I see your face,_

_and calmness takes over my body._

_What I feel scares me to death._

_My heart has never stirred like this before._

_**From Forbidden Love by Karen J. Cino**_

Padme tapped lightly on the door to Obi-wan's quarters. She balanced in one hand a pile of clean towels and in the other her datapad.

"Come in," he said from the other side of the door. She tucked the datapad under her arm and used the free hand to open the door.

Padme was surprised at what she saw. Obi-wan stood, stripped down to his leggings, boots kicked off and he was sorting through something spread all over his bed. Obi-wan's broad back was scared with small white dots which contrasted greatly against the darkness of his skin. What had caused those scars? She didn't remember Anakin ever telling her about an incident that would've left him scarred.

"Self inflicted," Obi-wan said in a quiet voice not looking up from what was in his hands.

"I didn't mean to pry," she said ashamed. "I brought you some clean towels and thought you might want to catch up on what is going on with the war."

Padme placed the towels on the small wooden bench at the end of the bed. Then she saw all the components laid out on top of the comforter. Obi-wan's fingers working to fit the pieces together.

"Your lightsaber?" she asked tentatively.

"What's left of it," he said, his eyes finally turning to acknowledge her.

Jedi were known by the weapons they carried. It set them apart from the blaster totting thugs of the galaxy. It was their life. How fitting that Obi-wan's now lay in pieces on his bed. His life seemed to be in the same shambles.

"Do you want to know?" he asked, his eyes returning to the pieces laying on the bed.

"About what?"

"The scars on my back."

"Do you want to tell me?"

Obi-wan shook his head yes. He had never told anyone and it had been such a source of shame for a very long time.

"I punished myself after Qui-gon died," he said the pain of loss feeling very fresh in his heart. "It was a small piece of rope with a metal barb on the end and I would strike myself until I bled."

Padme inhaled sharply at the thought of the pain which that would bring. Her eyes moistened at how terrible he must have felt day after day to inflict such punishment on himself.

"It was the only thing that felt worse then him not being there," Obi-wan finished quietly.

"How long did you do it?" she asked tentatively afraid she would overstep her bounds into a very tender place in his soul.

"I don't remember stopping," Obi-wan said truthfully. At the time he could remember, the self torture was still happening.

"Did Anakin know?" Padme asked her brown eyes regarding his profile as he worked.

"He knew," Obi-wan admitted heavily. "Anakin didn't ask though and I didn't offer excuses."

"We've had more years to deal with the loss of Master Jinn then you can remember," Padme sighed heavily. "It's so unfair that the one person who loved him most, has to deal with that pain like it's fresh."

Obi-wan said nothing feeling his eyes welling at her sentiments. He was a jedi and he should be much stronger then he was being.

"Can you fix it?" she asked deftly changing the subject back to his lightsaber.

"I made it," he laughed. "I hope I remember how all this fits together."

...

The tension in Senator Amidala's apartment that evening was thick. Obi-wan had raised all of his shields to stop the pain and displeasure of the Senator from soaking into him.

Standing next to the door of her office, which she kept in her home, he could hear the sound of heated discussion behind the closed door. Senators Mothma and Organa had shown up rather late in the evening. They had all been inside the office ever since. The hour was getting very late. He refused to leave this spot though in case she needed him.

Finally, sometime after two in the morning, the door opened. All three Senators emerged looking very tired and very unhappy. Obi-wan said nothing as they passed by.

Senators Mothma and Organa departed and Padme threw herself down on the couch with an exasperated grunt. Obi-wan sat down facing her and said nothing, hoping the fact she had someone there to listen would be enough.

"I don't know why we even have a Senate," she said a hard edge to her voice. "They just keeping giving our power to the Chancellor."

Obi-wan still said nothing. It was clear she was frustrated and needed to get it out.

"Nobody knows what they are doing giving him more power," she said rising from her seat and pacing, her hands clenched at her sides. "I know him and he'll never give it back."

Padme stopped and looked at the gentle look which was always graced Obi-wan's face. How could he be so calm? Damn jedi training.

"Relax," he said gently and waved his fingers at her, using the force to back his suggestion.

Padme rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. Her mind was too strong for tricks, Anakin had always said. She didn't have time to mess with Master Kenobi at the moment. He was so infuriating with his peaceful demeanor.

"Good try," she laughed sarcastically. He shrugged showing that he knew she had won. There was no use fighting with her.

"Would you prefer a stiff drink instead?" Obi-wan asked rising from the couch to access the hidden bar near the sitting area.

"It wouldn't hurt," she said and flopped down again. Obi-wan poured two glasses and joined her back in the sitting area.

Taking the glass from Obi-wan, she downed the liquid quickly placing the glass down on the side table. Obi-wan gave her a shocked glance and then took a sip from his own glass.

"They're gonna wish they had thought twice," she finally sighed.

"And what will your vote be?" Obi-wan asked thoughtfully.

Thoughtfully, Padme let her finger trace the rim of her empty glass. What would she do and how could she stop something which would be inevitable?

"How do you stop the sea from touching the shore?" she asked quietly. Things seemed so inevitable now. Chancellor Palpatine would rule as a dictator and the Senate would be impotent. They would be nothing but yes men to a government corrupted by lust for power.

Padme would need another plan.

...

"Here is the security detail uniform," Captain Typho, Padme's Chief of Security said handing Obi-wan the garment.

"You'll need a blaster and set of binder cuffs," Typho continued.

"I don't need a blaster," Obi-wan said looking over the uniform. It had all been Padme's idea for him to put on the disguise. He had humored her because she had done so much for him, but now he was having doubts.

"I'm sorry Master Kenobi, but Senator Amidala insisted that you blend into the security detail," Typho said. "That means you have to carry a blaster."

Obi-wan sighed. He would only have to endure the uniform and blaster until they got to Naboo.

"You must also shave. This is a branch of the military and no facial hair is allowed," Typho said as he signed several items on his datapad.

Going back to Naboo had been Padme's idea. She felt that the things happening in the Senate were spiraling out of control. Quietly she had resigned from service under the guise of a family emergency.

Obi-wan had been instructed by Master Yoda to stay with her and keep her from harm. He knew that she had vowed to the sage master to care for Obi-wan until he could return to service. She never spoke to him about it, but he was thankful for her compassion.

"Yes Captain," Obi-wan said dutifully.

"When Senator Amidala returns," Typho Said. "We will be leaving for home."

...

Padme looked around the room she had called her own for so many years. All the nick knacks and reminders of home had been cleared away. The room was stark, just as her heart felt. She was walking away from a life she had always known. For once, Padme felt uncertain.

"Your ship is ready, Milady," a voice said from behind her. She turned to see Obi-wan standing in the door. He wore the uniform of her security detail and his face was clean shaven. Padme smiled as she saw the man from her youth.

"Thank you," she said a smile gracing her face.

"What?" Obi-wan asked stepping fully into the room. The hat from his uniform held in his hand, he looked so different.

"Finally I see the Obi-wan of so many years ago," she said approaching him. Her hand reached out to touch his smooth cheek.

"Your ship is waiting," Obi-wan said stumbling over his words at her touch.

"I have the perfect escort," she said looping her arm through his. Obi-wan blushed as he placed his hat on his head.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V**

_How lovely the music of your heart._

_You are the air I breathe, sound I hear_

_and the spirit that gently moves me._

_I don't wish for the moon, I have the stars._

_**From Near You by Orania Hamilton**_

The trip to Naboo had been quiet. Obi-wan had busied himself with monitoring the ships guidance system and status. His mind wandering back to the touch of her hand upon his cheek.

No! He was a jedi, albeit only in name at the moment. These feelings needed to be released to the force. She was just a friend and there was room for nothing more. When they arrived on Naboo he would have to meditate and let it all go.

"Report," the pilot asked looking over at Obi-wan. The pilot staff were none the wiser that he was a jedi and treated him as any other member of the security detail.

"We will be arriving in approximately 30 standard minutes," Obi-wan reported. "I'll inform the Senator."

...

He knocked quietly on her state room door. The Senator had not been out of her room for the entire trip.

"Come in," she said from the other side of the door. Obi-wan opened the door to see Padme looking out a small viewport in her room. She wore a blue gown of the most delicate fabric. It hung on her frame and then touched the floor.

"We will be arriving shortly Milady," he said trying not to let his eyes linger on her form for too long.

"It's the rainy season," Padme said taking her eyes from the view of hyperspace. Her mind went back to the smell of Naboo during the rain and she felt warm inside. She missed home, but wished the circumstances of her return were better.

"We'll have to find something to do with our time," she said and a smile spread across her face. Obi-wan felt somehow uncomfortable with the way she was looking at him, but he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks.

"I'll let you know when we arrive," Obi-wan said turning to leave.

"Stay," Padme said softly. He could feel her anxiety at the return to home. "I don't want to be alone."

Obi-wan turned back to face her. She looked so small in the room. Maybe she was bothered by the fact that she was running, or at least in her mind she felt like she was running. Obi-wan knew she was doing what she thought best.

"Would you like some tea?" Padme asked waking him from his thoughts.

"Yes," Obi-wan said taking a seat in the sitting area. Padme poured him a cup and he sipped.

"Do you know where we are going?" Padme asked sitting down.

"No," Obi-wan said truthfully. He had been briefed about what would happen when they arrived, but the location had been kept secret.

"Bradeton is the name of the retreat," she said. "It's located high in the mountains where we will be safe."

"What do you fear?"

"I fear what the galaxy is becoming."

"Fear is dangerous, Padme. It makes us do things which we wouldn't normally do. It consumes us."

She was quiet. All the things which had happened had driven her from the one place she could do the most good. It would've never helped. There was nothing she could help with now, she had surrendered.

"Spoken like a true jedi," Padme said. Obi-wan blinked at the venom in her voice. What had he done?

"I'm sorry, Padme," he said setting the cup down. Confusion plagued him. It was happening more and more these days. He rose from his seat and bowed to her. "I'll let you know when we've arrived."

Turning he went quickly to the door. Being a jedi had never made him feel so small as she just had. Perhaps he should steer clear of her until they were settled at the retreat.

"You don't remember how angry you were with me that day," Padme said before he pushed the door release. "I do though."

"What are you talking about?" Obi-wan asked not turning away from the door.

"I loved him more than I should've," she said with a note of remembrance in her voice.

"Who?" he asked turning to face her, confusion clouding his face. She rose to stand in front of him, her eyes brimming.

"Anakin," it was almost a whisper which escaped her lips. The room seemed to tilt under his feet and he reached out to hold himself steady. Padme reached out to help him keep his balance.

"How?" Obi-wan said trying to keep his voice down, but he wanted to shriek at her.

"The details don't mean anything," she said. "It's been over for more than a year."

"They matter to me."

Padme sighed and beckoned him back to the sitting area. Obi-wan followed and sat down. Where did she start to tell him how she ripped apart his life?

"It was nothing more than childish infatuation," she said looking at him with anxiety. "I entertained the affair for many months."

Obi-wan's mouth was dry. A time he couldn't remember and she recalled it easily. His stomach knotted.

"Anakin demanded we marry, but he was a jedi and ..." her voice trailed off.

"AND WHAT!" Obi-wan said harshly. "I caught you?"

"It wasn't like that. I told him I couldn't, that I didn't love him enough."

"So you refused?"

"Yes and I turned him in."

Obi-wan shook his head. It all was so foreign. Anakin had been intimate with the Senator. Had Obi-wan been none the wiser? What had he done?

"Tell me what happened," Obi-wan finally demanded.

"Anakin was punished rather severely," she said quietly. "I was told, by you, that we were to never have contact again."

Padme sniffled not for the loss of Anakin, but for the way she had disappointed the man who now shared the room with her. How would she ever make him not be disappointed in her?

Obi-wan rose from his seat and wandered to the viewport to look outside at the hyperspace surrounding the ship. He felt lost. All the things he should know, he didn't and he had to rely on Padme, or someone else, to tell him.

"How do you stand it?" he finally asked.

"Stand what?"

"Knowing that I was so disappointed in you and now I carry on like I never was?"

Padme rose from her seat, moving behind him and placing a hand gently on his shoulder as though to reassure him that she was still there.

"Your heart was broken and I know you didn't mean the things you said," she said quietly. "Those things were not you. I've known you a very long time Obi-wan and you are not malicious."

"Please tell me this will all be okay," Obi-wan said doubt surging through his body and bleeding into his voice.

"I can't promise it will be easy, but I know your strength," Padme said gently. "And I know you will always be that strong."

...

Naboo was rainy this time of year. Obi-wan had gotten soaked to the core as he had helped to unload the supplies from the ship. After he had changed from his wet security uniform into his more comfortable jedi attire, he had joined Padme in the large sitting room.

Bradeton was built in a circle around the main living area. There was a kitchen to one side, a dining area to the other side and stairs leading down to the sleeping quarters in the rear. A circular hallway skirted the living area making access to all the rooms easier. The design was beautiful and could be used to military advantage against intruders.

"You like your room?" Padme asked as she warmed herself next to the fireplace in the middle of the main living area.

"Yes, Thank you," Obi-wan said approaching the fire. He felt the warmth penetrate his skin.

"When I used to come here," she said, eyes looking into the fire as though she were once again living her memory, "I always loved the view from that room."

He looked at her eyes reflecting the amber and red colors of the flames. Obi-wan was pulled to her in a way he never thought possible. Now, she was his only companion, a voice of reason in his murky world. An anchor for a ship which was ready to go adrift.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

_He marked her through the pane,_

_He could not help but mark,_

_And only passed her by_

_To come again at dark._

_**From Wind and Window Flower by Robert Frost**_

The days stretched on and on as the clouded sky of Naboo continued to pour down rain. Obi-wan had grown restless and stood now outside under the overhang of the front entrance. He reached out his hand letting a few drops of rain coat his fingers.

The rain felt familiar. Then the feeling was gone and Obi-wan grimaced at his lack of ability to remember.

The door behind him opened and he felt a rush of warm air hit him. Padme said nothing merely sharing his silence. Obi-wan liked that about her. She knew when he needed to talk and when words were just too much.

Her hand gently gripped his as if to reassure him and then the door clicked closed again and he was alone with the sound of the rain hitting stone.

...

Padme dealt yet another round of cards to Obi-wan. To make time pass they had taken to finding games to play.

"No jedi mind tricks," she warned peering over her hand of cards at him.

"How will I win?" Obi-wan laughed looking at his hand of cards.

"Strategy, like the rest of us," she laughed and slapped one of her cards down on the table. Obi-wan eyed it carefully and then checked his hand. Nothing. She was slaughtering him in a rather gleeful manner.

Lifting two fingers, he pulled the top card from the deck with the force and it floated gently into his hand. Obi-wan winked at her and then studied his newly acquired card. Quickly he placed his card on the table and studied her reaction.

"You were too busy being a jedi," she laughed putting both cards in her keep pile. How he hated losing to her. She was insufferable.

"Someone had to keep the peace while you were playing card games," he laughed and placed another card down on the table.

"Lucky for us they didn't ask you to play cards."

They both erupted into laughter.

...

"No!" Obi-wan yelled jerking awake. He was sweating and his chest heaved as his breath came in small short bursts. Leaning over the side of the bed, he felt his stomach convulse as he vomited onto the floor.

"Obi-wan," a breathless Padme said as she burst through the door. She was on the bed next to him before he could blink. Her arms helping him to lay back down. His skin was on fire to her touch.

"You're sick," she said softly touching his head with her hand.

"Something is coming Padme," Obi-wan said, his words a short moan.

"What?" Padme asked her eyes widening in fear.

"Something bad."

...

Padme jerked awake, the room dark and the rain beating against the window pane. She looked over to see Obi-wan sleeping in the bed next to her.

She hadn't wanted to leave him during the night in case he needed her. He was very sick.

Padme gently rose from the bed and Obi-wan's eyes flew open, his hand reaching for her.

"It's okay," she soothed him gripping his cold and clammy hand.

"Don't leave," he said hoarsely pulling her back towards the bed. She kneeled next to him on the bed, stroking the sweat soaked hair from his forehead.

"I'll be right back," Padme said reassuring him with a gentle smile. Obi-wan licked his lips and nodded, his eyes fluttering closed. He released her hand and she rushed to the main living area.

Quickly she dialed the comlink code for the palace.

...

"Well?" Padme asked as the physician gathered his datapad and instruments. He had been in the room with Obi-wan for over an hour.

"It's C'mato Fever," the doctor said sighing. "A rather advanced case too."

Padme covered her mouth with her hand to hide her surprise. C'mato was rather dangerous and often fatal. Her heart dropped to her feet. Tears began to pool in her eyes.

"Your highness he is very sick and should be taken to the palace infirmary," the doctor said looking at her shocked reaction.

"Then yes..." she said her voice choked by the tears forming.

"He refuses," the doctor put plainly.

"Why?"

"Because he's a stubborn jedi and doesn't want to leave you."

Padme sighed and pushed past the doctor towards Obi-wan's room. She stormed through the door.

"You have to go," Padme said using her most authoritative voice.

"Please I'm too exhausted to fight," Obi-wan said not opening his eyes. He was pale and sweaty.

"I won't watch you die," she sniffled moving to sit on the edge of the bed. "Don't make me."

Obi-wan reached his hand out shakily and touched his fingertips to her cheek. She nuzzled her face to his hand.

"I will be fine," Obi-wan said and opened his eyes to look into hers. "You can help me get better."

Padme reached a hand up and wiped the tears from under her eyes. He had faith in her and that was all she needed to double her resolve to make him better.

...

Obi-wan rolled over to face her. Padme had been sleeping in his bed since he had contracted C'mato Fever. He watched her sleep contentedly in the early breaking light.

He reached his hand up and placed it against her cheek. She had done everything for him thee past weeks. Obi-wan was feeling better, but was still too weak to get up on his own. The fever had taken everything form his body.

"Do you need something?" she murmured in a sleepy voice.

"No," he whispered back to her.

"I should get up," she said her eyes never opening.

"I'm fine," he said. "Just rest."

Padme snuggled closer to him, her arm flinging over his chest. Obi-wan stiffened at the familiarity of the touch. Don't get attached, he repeated in his mind.

What had happened to him? The Obi-wan he was supposed to be would never let himself sleep in a bed with a woman. He should not be letting this happen, but he was and what did that mean about who he was becoming?

...

"Just a few more steps," Padme encouraged him as he leaned heavily against her.

Obi-wan was considerably thinner. He had lost about 25 pounds in the weeks he had suffered from the fever. Luckily his strength had started to return in the past few days.

"Let me rest," Obi-wan said reaching to steady himself against the wall in the hallway. He was breathing heavily for the small amount of exertion getting to the hallway should take.

"I made you some lunch in the dining room," Padme said. He smiled his thank you to her and put his arm around her again. They moved slowly towards the dining room.

The large table was set for two in a very cozy way considering the size of the table. Obi-wan was sure that table could easily hold 20 people. The windows in this room were large and looked out over the mountains.

"Thank you," Obi-wan said once Padme had helped him to his chair. She merely smiled and sat down. She poured him some water and then put some rice on his plate.

"The doctor said you should start off with easy to digest food because you haven't eaten much," Padme explained as she put the plate in front of him.

"You have been so good to me," Obi-wan remarked picking up the fork which felt as though it weighed 1,000 pounds. "Why didn't you get sick too?"

Padme lifted the short sleep of her dress to reveal a small pock mark on her upper arm.

"Children on Naboo are vaccinated for the diseases native to our planet," Padme said and smiled. "I guess we should've checked on your vaccinations prior to bringing you here. I just assumed with the war you were given many of the vaccinations you would need."

"I don't know what I'm up to date on," Obi-wan said pushing the rice on his plate around with a fork. He still wasn't very hungry.

"Well you are doing very well," Padme said serving herself some rice and pouring a small amount of meat with gravy over the rice.

"When we are done here," Obi-wan said taking a small bite of rice. "Would you help me meditate?"

Padme stopped eating and put her fork down. Meditation was a very private thing for jedi. It was where they spoke to the force. Anakin had always locked himself away and told her to never, bother him. She was shocked by the request from Obi-wan.

"If you don't want to, I understand," he said noting her hesitation about his request.

"It's not that," she said. "I just … well I know how private that is for jedi and I'm deeply honored that you would ask me."

"I'll need your strength to draw on," Obi-wan said simply although he really wanted to show her what he felt through the force. He was being selfish, but he didn't care.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

_Am I bound seduced by thou purest charms?_

_The perfect island breaths heat into lungs,_

_There within thy arms lain impassioned tongues,_

_A forfeiture of innocence disarms._

_**From Love's Twilight Song by Ros Shrapnel**_

Obi-wan inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. He sat still, legs crossed and hands loosely at his side. The true posture of surrender to the force. From here he could feel what the force beckoned him to feel. The whispers clear to his mind.

Stretching out he could feel her, mere inches from him. Padme's presence was strong in the force. A beautifully pure blue light light which beckoned him closer. Closing his eyes he could still see the light as though it were the sun shining on a cloudless day.

Breathing steadily, Obi-wan reached his hand to touch Padme's. He felt the surge of power course through the force and into his body.

For two days they had been going through this ritual with Padme bolstering his sick body as he reached out to ask the force to heal him. She had been very patient as she sat as still as a statue. He knew it didn't come naturally to her, but he knew he could teach her and help her calm herself as Jedi learned to calm themselves.

A sound twittered from the living area and he felt Padme wishing to go and answer the comlink. Obi-wan opened his eyes and turned to her with a smile.

"Sorry," she said squeezing his hand then rising from the floor. Obi-wan just smiled and nodded to her. She rushed off and he turned to look out the large windows in the dining room. Naboo was beautiful.

Padme had been getting many calls as of late. He wondered what could be so important.

...

Padme clicked off the comlink and sat looking at the dead screen on her computer terminal. Her mind was unnerved by the news she had received from the palace.

"Are you okay?" Obi-wan asked leaning against the door frame. He looked so tired.

"I'm fine," Padme said waving a hand at the computer terminal. "Just business as usual."

Obi-wan's hate for the political arena was notorious. Padme knew he mistrusted most of those who served in the Senate. She was surprised that he could stand to be in the same room with her.

"Any messages for me?" he asked changing the subject. It seemed ages since he had heard from the temple. It felt as though he had become a forgotten member of the jedi.

"No," she sighed and stood. She went to where he stood and placed her hand on his shoulder. She knew it pained him to not be at the temple.

"I'm sure they have more important things to worry about with the war," Obi-wan said a weak smile crossing his lips.

"Don't you think you are still important?"

"I'm a jedi who can't remember ten years of my life and everyone fears I might use the force to hurt someone."

Padme was surprised by his admission. She knew he wasn't stupid, but he perceived everyone's fears so well. What did he fear?

"Tell me something," she said and crossed her arms over her chest. "What do you fear Obi-wan?"

What did he fear? Was it not ever being an active jedi again? Was it the fear of things he felt?

"I don't fear," Obi-wan said, the right answer for a jedi. "I'm a jedi."

Padme sighed.

...

"What are you doing?' Padme asked pulling her robe around her as she entered the kitchen.

"Making breakfast," Obi-wan said as he pushed some eggs around in a frying pan. As a padawan, Obi-wan had been assigned cooking duty several times. He was no stranger to making meals. Why was she so surprised?

"So you're feeling better?" she asked taking a seat at the small breakfast nook table.

"Yes," Obi-wan said and put some eggs on a plate. He placed it in front of her. "Juice?"

"Thank you," she said and he filled her glass then took a seat at the table.

The sound of the rain from outside had stopped, but the sky was still overcast. They ate in silence, just enjoying each other's company.

"I'm stuffed," Padme finally said as she pushed her plate away from her. Obi-wan quickly cleared the table and put the dishes into the small sonic washer.

"I'm going to meditate," Obi-wan said once everything in the kitchen had been squared away.

"Can I come?" Padme asked.

"Yes," Obi-wan said mildly surprised at her willingness to participate again.

"I know one of the most serene places here at Bradeton," she smiled. Taking his hand, Padme let him to her bedroom door.

"Your bedroom?" Obi-wan asked just slightly nervous.

"Just c'mon," she said and pulled him inside. Her room was larger than his with a whole wall of floor to ceiling windows. The view was more spectacular then his seeming to just look into the air as though one was floating.

Obi-wan gasped and Padme laughed. There was something so innocent about his face. The room got better though and Padme went to the middle windows and pushed them apart. She walked out onto the balcony. There was no railing, merely a rock ledge which blended into the rocky side of the mountain.

"Perfect right?" Padme asked turning to face him with a smile. Obi-wan nodded and stepped out to join her. The wind whipped at his face.

"Let's try standing meditation," Obi-wan suggested. He was much stronger now and could show her the many ways jedi communed with the force.

"We'll look out over the mountains," she smiled and turned back to face the grand mountain range.

Obi-wan moved behind her, his arm catching her around her waist.

"Okay, legs apart," he said taking her hand in his right hand, he placed them over her heart, pulling her closer to his body. This was how younglings were taught. Obi-wan remembered the first time Qui-gon had shown him this position. He also remembered the first time he had shown Anakin. A tradition passed from one master to the next.

"Breathe in," Obi-wan whispered. "Breathe out."

They regulated their breathing and it became synchronized. He could feel the rise and fall of her chest under his hand. She trembled slightly.

"Are you cold?" he asked not breaking the cadence of their breathing. She shook her head no.

"Close your eyes," he whispered close to her ear. She did as he instructed.

"Want to see my world?" he asked. Padme shook her head yes. A smile parted his lips and he stretched out to the force.

Using the force, he manipulated the signature around Padme, turning the bright blue light inside out. In his mind that was what it looked like, but he knew to the force he was activating the small amount of force sense that everyone had inside.

Padme squirmed under his touch as she sensed the awakening. She felt a heat in her body which she had never experienced before. Padme's whole body tingled making the hair on her arms and scalp stand on end.

"Can you open your eyes?" Obi-wan asked.

"Yes," she murmured back to him feeling like she was in the world between dream and sleep.

"Then see what I see," he said a smile crossing his face.

Padme opened her eyes and gasped. The world was crisp and sharp with a golden hue. She could see further then normal eyes should be able to see. Edges were bright and clear. She wanted to turn to see what another humanoid would look like with her new perception.

"I wanna see you," she whispered. Obi-wan released her waist and shifted enough for her to turn, but not break the connection of their hands.

Padme turned and saw Obi-wan as she had never seen another. He was surrounded by a deep blue light which seemed to halo his whole body. His features were sharp and younger then she remembered. As the wind whipped his hair, she thought it seemed more golden to her.

Carefully she reached her free hand up and touched his hair, the smile never leaving her face. It was hard to believe that this was what he saw all the time. How would you not stop to look in wonder at everything?

It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Standing on her tip toes, Padme gently pressed her lips to his in a kiss. Obi-wan released her hand, breaking the connection and took a step away from her, confusion plaguing his features.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII**

_You gambled it all_

_Risked all you had_

_Even what was not yours to keep_

_**From Risk It All For Love by Faten Ratkoceri**_

"Message for you," Padme said tapping on Obi-wan's bedroom door. He had been spending most of his time locked away by himself.

Padme had apologized profusely for kissing him. He had accepted her apology, but had made himself very scarce there after.

The door cracked open and Obi-wan emerged from his room for the first time in almost two days. He was unshaven and looked as though he hadn't slept. Padme wanted to reach out and comfort him, but feared that any pity she gave him would be misinterpreted.

Obi-wan merely nodded to her and headed off down the hall to the living area. Padme leaned against the wall and sighed. She crossed her arms across her chest. There was nothing she could do to ever make him trust her again.

...

The message from Anakin had been short and to the point. Rather jedi for the authority hating child Obi-wan remembered. They were stopping over on Naboo for some rest and respite from the war and he wanted to see Obi-wan.

Fear set into Obi-wan's mind as he realized his memory was still the same as it had been the last time they had been together at the med center. There was no improvement. Obi-wan would need to ease Anakin's mind somehow and he would need Padme's help.

...

"This," Padme said flipping the hologram on, "is Commander Cody."

Obi-wan studied the armor clad figure which flickered in the eerie blue of the holo. How would he be able to remember all these things?

"He was your second in command," she said explaining further. "He's a member of the Sky Corps."

"And you know all this how?" Obi-wan asked a smile on his face.

"When you asked me to help," Padme explained, "I pulled all the military records my clearance could get me."

"Still very resourceful."

"A girl has to be in this galaxy."

They both laughed. Padme breathed a sigh of relief at the fact they were once again speaking. Maybe the discretion of her kissing him was forgotten.

Bradeton was a very lonely place without him to keep her company.

"Okay who else?" Obi-wan asked.

"Captain Rex will be with Anakin," Padme said and flipped the image emitter. Padme didn't need to look up this clone's information. She knew Rex from several visits when Anakin was home. The Captain had also passed messages when Anakin was not available to come to the apartment.

"You know him?" Obi-wan asked.

"Yes, I've met Captain Rex."

Obi-wan nodded thoughtfully. So much to try and remember and discover. He also had to tread lightly on subjects which were hurtful to Padme. Including where Anakin was concerned.

"Are you coming to see Anakin tomorrow at the palace?" Obi-wan asked off topic.

"I will be going with you," she sighed and folded her hands in her lap, "but I will be spending my time with the queen during your visit."

Obi-wan cleared his throat nervously. He could fee her trepidation over seeing Anakin. Although there was no memory of the mess they had all been through. Obi-wan could understand how her heart must ache just from all the turmoil. He also knew he should feel something too, but he didn't and that was disturbing.

"Maybe this all isn't such a good idea," Obi-wan said doubtfully. "Anakin was very upset the late time I saw him."

Gently Padme laid a hand on his arm. "Don't worry," she said calmly. "If I can fake my way through a greeting ritual in Rodian, you can do this."

...

Obi-wan paced nervously in the large room of the palace. The queen had been generous to give him a private meeting area to visit with Anakin. Padme had been whisked away when they arrived and he wondered what she was doing.

Carefully he reached out to the force and searched for her reassuring signature. Finding her, he let the feeling of her presence wash over him. Now Obi-wan felt more at ease.

"Master," Anakin said as he entered the room. Two armor clad men stood behind him. It was the first time Obi-wan had seen what Padme had told him were clones, in person.

"Anakin," Obi-wan said warmly beckoning them all to enter the room.

Anakin approached and clamped Obi-wan in a hug. Although he was not the same, Obi-wan still felt the affection that he did for the twelve year old boy he remembered.

"Captain Rex, Commander Cody," Obi-wan acknowledged the two clones.

"You're dismissed," Anakin said to the clones and they quickly were gone. Obi-wan was sure they were as efficient as Padme had described.

"Where is Padme?" Anakin asked getting comfortable on a large sectional couch which was positioned to look out the room's floor to ceiling window.

"She is visiting with the queen," Obi-wan said quietly a pang of jealousy in his voice.

The large Bantha in the room was still his memory. Anakin exuded the need to know how his former master was doing.

Grimly Obi-wan sat down on the couch and looked at Anakin squarely in the eyes. This was not the time to lie.

"My memory is still the same," the older jedi said.

"You knew the Captain," Anakin said, a look of disbelief on his face.

"I was coached," Obi-wan said.

Anakin stood and walked to the window. His body was ridged as he crossed his arms. Obi-wan could feel the sadness and disappointment of his former apprentice. Emotions which were very dangerous for a jedi.

"We need you," the younger jedi said not looking away from the window.

"We or you Anakin?"

"Yes me too, but the war needs you."

"I wish I was able to help, but with no memory the jedi council won't return me to active duty."

Anakin was still that lost child Obi-wan remembered although he was trapped in a young man's body. Here the boy stood, wishing for a friendly face in the storm of war. How Obi-wan wished he could ease the boy's pain, but the force had set them on very different paths now. It was something they both had to respect.

"Are you hungry?" Obi-wan asked changing the subject.

"Always," Anakin said. "You are lucky you don't remember the food on the cruisers."

Obi-wan chuckled and clamped his former apprentice on the shoulder. "Thank the force for small favors."

...

Padme watched as Obi-wan said his goodbyes to Anakin. She had avoided the meeting all together. Although she wasn't afraid of Anakin or the feelings she had once had for him returning, Padme wished to respect the promise she had made to Obi-wan when he told her to stay away from Anakin. Even if he didn't remember it, she did.

Standing quietly on the back of the landing platform, the wind whipped at her cloak. She pulled it more tightly around her and leaned against one of the supports to observe the pair. Somehow she found herself letting her eyes linger on Obi-wan as he watched the boarding ramp closing behind his former padawan. The wind whipped his robe as the shuttle took off.

Obi-wan turned and when he saw her, a huge smile spread across his face and he jogged towards where she stood. He was happy to see her and that seemed odd to her after the distance of the past few days.

"I take it everything went well," she asked when he was close enough to hear.

"Yes," he smiled, "but I'm ready to go home."

Her heart leapt as he called Naboo home. What was happening to her?


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX**

_He was a winter wind,  
Concerned with ice and snow,  
Dead weeds and untamed birds,  
And little of love could know._

_**From Wind and Window Flower by Robert Frost**_

Rain had given way to glorious sunshine and Naboo was alive again as the plants began to bloom. Padme had been spending many afternoons in the garden tending to plants as they emerged from the rain soaked soil.

As she sat on her knees digging through the dirt and tending a Penchuast Rose, she noticed Obi-wan standing on the stone wall at the far end of the garden. He moved with purpose.

Wiping her hands on the ground next to her, Padme rose and wandered down to where he was. As she approached she could see he was barefoot and bare chested. His eyes were closed as he moved as though deep in thought.

Quietly, Padme turned to leave.

"Ask whatever you want," Obi-wan said quietly. She wheeled around to see him still moving serenely as though he hadn't spoken at all.

"How do you do that?" she asked, her hands rising to her hips as though to scold him.

"Do what?'

"Talk and then act like you didn't?"

"Jedi."

"Well it makes me feel strange."

"Why?"

"Because eye contact is an important component of communication."

"I can see your eyes."

Padme expelled her breath and crossed her arms. "Well I can't see yours," she said, her temper flaring.

"Does that really bother you? I mean you know I'm not playing a political game with you, so I wouldn't be misleading you and you wouldn't need to read my eyes."

"Aggravating is what you are."

Obi-wan stopped his exercise and opened his eyes to look at her.

"Better?" he asked.

"Thank you," Padme said and smiled at him. "What are you doing?"

Obi-wan jumped down from the wall with a grace only jedi possessed and smiled at her.

"They are lightsaber forms," Obi-wan said. "Without the lightsaber they become a form of moving meditation."

"Looks difficult."

"They can be, but once you memorize the pattern for you limbs, it becomes second nature."

"Could you show me?"

Obi-wan stopped and looked at her. She had become very interested in many aspects of the jedi life since they had come to Bradeton. Maybe she was seeking a more peaceful life after all the turmoil of being queen and senator.

"Yes," he said. "I'd be glad to show you the forms."

...

"Tuck your backside in," Obi-wan said smacking Padme lightly on the backside. He was starting to think teaching gangly pre-teens was easier.

"That is as far as it goes," she protested rather loudly. He laughed and then moved to the next position. The sun had barely begun to rise over the horizon and the amber light cast a beautiful glow on the garden.

"Like this?" Padme asked trying to imitate him as best she could. Somehow her arms and legs didn't work as well as his did.

Obi-wan moved behind her, pressing his body to hers as he guided her limbs into position. A blush rose in her cheeks at his proximity, her mind rushing back to the last time they had been so close to each other. How could she be thinking of that now?

"See how the wrist hitches here?" Obi-wan said pointing. "That's what leads to the next move."

Obi-wan used his body to push her into the next pose. Pulling her even closer to his as though they were moving as one person. Padme wondered if this was how they trained padawans.

"We just show padawans," he said with a small laugh.

"Don't make fun of the non-force user," Padme huffed unable to move from his grip on her limbs.

"I wouldn't dare."

"You are!"

Obi-wan released her and moved next to her again. Padme grunted as she tried to hold the awkward position that Obi-wan held with ease. He was even more maddening as he smirked at her.

"Now move to the next," he said and easily twisted his body into the next movement. Padme watched carefully and tried to imitate, but found her legs got tangled and she fell face first towards the dewy grass. Using her hands to try and stop her fall, she heard a snap and then she was in terrible pain.

Obi-wan was by her side before her mind could comprehend what had happened to her. He cradled her arm in his hands and felt where the bone had fractured.

"Shhhh," he said soothing her as tears ran down her cheeks. Placing a hand on her forehead and keeping the other on her arm, he closed his eyes. Stretching out he called the force to ease Padme's pain and then he touched where the bone was severed.

Although Obi-wan was not as gifted in healing as other jedi were, he could heal minor things like broken bones with relative ease. It was a common first aid course for padawans who would be going into the field.

When he felt the bone was mended, Obi-wan sat back from her and breathed heavily. Fighting with the force as his alley was one thing, but healing always took it out of him.

"Better?" he asked moving closer to her. She was raising herself from the ground and wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Still aches," Padme said rubbing her arm. Obi-wan took her arm in his hands and rubbed it gently to take the ache away.

"Sometimes phantom pain remains after healing."

Padme smiled shyly at him. They had been close and even shared a bed when he was sick, but now felt so different. His touch felt so much more intimate in the golden light of the morning.

"It feels better," she said and smiled at him noting how blue his eyes were. They seemed to reflect the intensity of his moods.

"Maybe that was just a little too advanced," he admitted. "Next time we can take it slower."

Padme didn't want to take anything slower. For months her mind had ruled her heart. That was why being home had lifted the weight of all her responsibilities from her shoulders. She could see clearly and it was the first time in a very long time.

"Have you ever had a moment of complete clarity like none you've ever had before?" Padme asked averting her eyes to the grass beneath her.

"It's the force speaking," Obi-wan said nodding his head in agreement. He had experienced that kind of clarity when he had destroyed the sith who had killed his master. That was the clarity of the force speaking to him.

Padme knew she was hearing the force now and what it told her to do was frightening to her soul. It begged her to step across a boundary which she had once before walked across with no success.

She moved closer to Obi-wan, her fingers interlacing with his in a gesture of friendship and compassion. How did she tell him that the force knew he needed her in a way that would test his training as a jedi? That the force knew she was the key to the memories locked inside his mind?


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X**

_She walks in beauty, like the night  
of cloudless climes and starry skies_

_**From She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron**_

Padme had spent several hours picking the perfect outfit for the evening meal she would share with Obi-wan. The gown was the softest green, long and cut in a halter shape, showing her back. The top clasped with an ornate pin and several strings of beads hung down the open portion of the back to glitter against her skin.

They had both decided that going out for dinner sounded fun for the evening. Padme had always been a social person and missed outings.

"Are you almost ready Milady?" Captain Typho asked from beyond the closed door to her room. Although Obi-wan was a skilled jedi and could protect her, Padme always felt more at ease with her security chief watching her carefully.

"Yes Captain," Padme said as she pulled the front of her her hair into a small ponytail and twisted it. She let the rest of the curls fall down around her shoulders. Padme checked herself again in her vanity mirror and then opened the door to see Captain Typho's approving smile.

"Beautiful as always Milady," he said.

"Thank you. Is the ship ready?" she asked gliding down the hall towards the main living area.

"Ready whenever you are," Typho said following her.

As Padme entered the living area, Obi-wan turned to greet her. She was a vision in green, shining like the jewel he knew she was. He moved to greet her, taking her hand and admiring her. He felt his breath catch in his throat.

"You look beautiful," he said smiling. Not in all the years he could remember had he seen anyone who looked so comfortable with who she had become.

"Thank you," Padme said blushing the slightest shade of pink. "Whispering Falls awaits us."

Obi-wan offered her his arm and they walked towards the small landing platform outside of Bradeton.

...

Whispering Falls was a large lake side villa in the southern part of Naboo. The name came from three waterfalls which poured into the large lake.

Padme had come to Whispering Falls many times in her life. The villa was her family retreat and they had spent many summers swimming in the clear water the lake offered.

She now stood on the balcony looking out towards the shimmering water. How she missed the innocence of her childhood.

"Padme," she heard a familiar voice behind her. Turning Padme saw her mother approaching, a wide smile on her face. Padme embraced her mother feeling the tightness of tears building in her chest. It had been awhile since they had seen each other.

"You look well," Jobal said regarding her daughter at arm's length.

"I'm feeling good," Padme said and she actually meant it for once. Something inside her had changed since she had returned home to Naboo.

"I see Captain Typho came with you," Jobal said looping her arm through Padme's as they walked back towards the villa.

"He is still a very faithful servant," Padme commented a small smile crossing her lips. She knew her mother wanted to ask about Obi-wan, but was waiting for Padme to comment first.

"And Master Kenobi?" her mother finally asked. Everyone on Naboo knew his name and to Padme's family he was a true hero because he had helped Padme to end the siege of the planet.

"He is well," Padme said. She had told her mother in a message earlier about his memory so that they would not ask questions that Obi-wan could not answer.

"Well the jedi can't keep his eyes off of you," Jobal said conspiratorially. "He's been standing at the window watching your every move."

Padme giggled and covered her mouth with her hand. Had he really taken to her?

"Mother," Padme admonished the older woman. "He is just making sure I am safe."

"Safe in his heart."

...

"Dinner was wonderful," Obi-wan said pushing his plate away. The candlelight in the room cast a beautiful glow throughout the large space creating a very romantic atmosphere.

"One of the best," Ruwee, Padme's father, agreed and leaned back in his chair.

"Sola and I are going on one of the candle barges," Darred, Padme's sister's husband, said as he rose from his seat and then helped Sola from her seat.

Obi-wan looked at Padme who radiated wanting to go too, but disappointment that she had no one to accompany her. The smile never left her face as she watched her sister and brother-in-law go towards the door which led to a boat landing.

"Would you like to go Padme?" Obi-wan asked across the table.

"Are you sure?" Padme asked hesitantly. Candle barge rides were very romantic and the drivers were known to go to the more private areas of the lake. She wasn't sure he knew what he was getting into.

"Yes," he said rising from the table. He went around and pulled Padme's chair out for her and offered her his hand. Delicately Padme rose from her chair and followed Obi-wan towards the boat landing door, grasping his hand in anticipation.

Candle barges were flat boats which were taken out on the lake at night. They were covered along the edge with candles and had a driver which used a small sonic motor to propel the barge around the lake. Padme had only been on one when she was a child and that had been a treat for her birthday. These rides were usually reserved for couples who were courting or had committed themselves to each other.

Padme and Obi-wan stood in line behind Sola and Darred for the available boats.

"Are you excited?" Obi-wan asked wryly. He really didn't have to ask because he could feel her excitement through the force.

"Yes," Padme smiled and gripped Obi-wan's hand tightly. They watched as Sola and her husband set off across the lake. They seemed to float on the water as they stood in the middle of the barge holding each other and looking at the stars.

The next barge arrived and Obi-wan stepped on first. He reached out his hand and helped Padme onto the flat boat.

As they began their cruise across the lake, Padme clung to Obi-wan's arm. A gentle breeze made the candles flicker as they cruised, letting shadows dance across her face. Obi-wan looked up to see the beautiful stars in the sky. The night couldn't be more perfect.

"This is fantastic," Obi-wan said in awe as he looked around.

"I'm so glad to be home," Padme said quietly. Until now she had thought of her return home as running from everything that was happening in the galaxy, but she was living to fight another day and that was the most important thing she could do for her people.

"I'm glad to be back too," he said and smiled at her.

"Doesn't seem that long to you, does it?" she asked.

Obi-wan shook his head no. His memories of Naboo were very fresh. When he had been back at the palace to see Anakin, he had even gone to where he had beaten the Sith who had cut his master down. They emotions he felt there were still shocking to him even after all this time.

"You are so revered here," Padme said grabbing his attention again. "You saved my planet and they remember you for it."

"I did what I was trained to do," Obi-wan said humbly.

"I admire you for everything you've done."

Padme turned and stood in front of Obi-wan. She took his hands in heres and placed them around her waist delicately. Obi-wan did not resist as she placed her hands on his chest.

"Do you feel it?" she whispered, her hand stroking down a wrinkle in his tunic as she tried to fight down the nerves in her stomach.

Slowly Obi-wan shook his head yes. He felt it. There was something growing between them which he wasn't sure of. Something he had never felt before and it was confusing. The Obi-wan he should be would push these feelings away and deny what the heart would want.

Right now, he didn't want to be that Obi-wan. He wanted to be her everything.

He pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers. They were warm and perfect and all he would ever need. With her, he didn't need to be a jedi, he just needed to be a man.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI**

_The Sun reached behind a fading sky,  
So the moon could take its proper place.  
Day to darkness, brightened by the stars,  
leaving upon the blue waters  
a shimmering portrait of your face._

_**From Near You by Orania Hamilton**_

Obi-wan read through the message again carefully. What he was proposing would be shaking to the council. He was a very respected member of the council, or so he had been told many times. How would they take the fact that he was not returning?

"What you working on?" Padme asked emerging from the kitchen wearing nothing but his inner tunic as her nightshirt.

Obi-wan clicked off the monitor and smiled at her. He hadn't told her that he had decided to give up everything for her. That was too much to burden her with in the very short time since he had kissed her.

"Just a message to the council," he said and rubbed his eyes. They had spent the whole night after returning from dinner with her family just talking. He had learned so much about the person who shared the retreat with him. They had yet to go to sleep.

Padme approached him and climbed into his lap. She pulled apart a small Zembra bread piece and handed him half while she popped the rest in her mouth.

"I hope it's not anything too important," she sighed and snaked her arms around his neck leaning heavily against his chest. "I want to go to bed."

Obi-wan nodded, but felt that strange tingling in his belly. He was sure it was nerves at what she expected of him, not that he hadn't been with women, but this, well it was different. They were emotionally invested in each other. That made a big difference.

"Let's go to bed," he said cradling her in his arms and standing from the chair.

"But your message," Padme said still trying to be the practical one.

"It can wait," he smiled. "This can't."

Padme was enthralled by the meticulous way Obi-wan made love to her. Until now, she had only known sex as a frenzy of touching and tasting each other's flesh. But like the reserved person she knew him to be, Obi-wan had taken his time, getting to know her body. Fingers, tongue and palms exploring every inch of her.

A caress here and heated exchange there and Padme was lost in ecstasy that she had never experienced. It was true he was not her first. He wasn't even her first Jedi, but she wished that he had been. Oh, how she wished she could take back all those times and make this brand new. Not that the experience would have been any more exciting, but it would've been different.

With a final grunt of satisfaction, Obi-wan collapsed next to her, a smile gracing his face. She rolled towards him, begging to be held closely to him and feared that if she closed her eyes, this would all go away. It was too good to believe. As his arms folded around her, and he kissed her forehead.

"What do I fear?" Obi-wan asked recalling the conversation they had before.

"Yes," Padme said snuggling closer to his body. She inhaled his musky scent trying to commit it to memory.

"Missing this," he said honestly. Now Obi-wan knew what he had been missing from his life. He needed someone to share everything he was and would ever be.

"Isn't that dangerous?" Padme asked. She knew possession was some what dangerous for a jedi. Well that was what she had been told by Anakin.

"Not if you aren't a jedi anymore," Obi-wan said and kissed her forehead again. Quickly she pulled away from him and looked into his blue eyes.

"No," she said warningly, "that message..."

"You can't decide this for me," Obi-wan sighed and rolled onto his back. He ran his hand through his hair. Sometimes she was rather exasperating and stubborn.

"I'm not trying to decide anything for you, but you also don't remember everything to make this kind of decision."

"I know who I am Padme."

"I never said you didn't. Please hold off sending that message."

Obi-wan rolled to face her and used a finger to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. Her features softened, but he could still feel her resolve buried deep inside of her. Once again, he was going to let her win.

"I won't send it yet, but that doesn't mean I've changed my mind," Obi-wan conceded.

Padme smiled as she watched Obi-wan going through the lightsaber forms in the sun soaked garden. Blowing on her cup of tea to cool it, she leaned against the door frame just admiring his movements.

Without ever speaking a word, he knew she was there. She knew he was so connected to the force when doing the moving meditation. Obi-wan didn't need to see her to know she was watching him. He felt calmed by her and she felt completed by him.

How long they had waited to believe what they had both known for many years.

Padme knew her affair with Anakin had just been a pathetic attempt to banish other thoughts from her mind. She hadn't known what those thoughts were, but now she did. Love. The word still sounded strange to her, but it was what they had when they were together.

She loved Obi-wan although she knew she shouldn't. It was forbidden.

"Thinking?" Obi-wan asked disturbing her thoughts. He approached her wiping the sweat from his face with a small towel, the sun casting a halo about his reddish blonde hair.

"Always," she smiled and then sipped her tea. "Are you going with me to Theed today?"

"Yes," he smiled and then bent to kiss her gently on the lips. "while you have your audience with the queen, I'm going to visit the market."

Padme loved the open market which was held weekly in Theed. She remembered visiting there as a child. When she was the queen, she would dress as a handmaiden and shop for trinkets for her handmaidens.

"Maybe we could spend the night in the palace," Padme suggested. She felt Obi-wan's body tense at the suggestion and her brow furrowed. Padme felt his unease. Maybe she had overstepped some boundary in their relationship which she was not aware existed. She was so out of practice at relationships.

"Forget it," Padme said gently, sipping her tea again.

"Don't be angry," Obi-wan said placing his hand on her arm. "This," he said indicating them both. "is not something I'm willing to share with other people right now."

Padme nodded. She could understand the need to be selfish about what they had together. It was so new to them both.

"Well I will go and get ready," Obi-wan said and kissed her again. She turned and watched him go, hating to be away from him, but admiring his retreating body.

Obi-wan walked lazily through the open market taking time to stop several times to admire items at each booth, but moved along without purchasing anything.

As the jedi came to the last booth, he was shocked by what he saw. There, lined up from biggest to smallest, were lightsaber hilts. Some were scorched and blackened and others were pristine. Obi-wan's fists clenched at his sides and then he looked at the dealer.

"Where did you get these?" he asked keeping his tone calm.

"Geonosis," the dealer said, interest sparking in his eyes at the idea of a sale. "Would you like to see one?"

Obi-wan shook his head no. His stomach clenched tightly at the thought of all the jedi who died. Suddenly a terrible pain shot through his head. Crying out, he bent, holding his head. Then there was a flash and he was surrounded by battledroids in an arena. Jedi were dying on all sides of him.

The jedi fell to his knees tears rolling down his face. Of all the things to remember, a battle where jedi were slaughtered was what he received. The force was torturing him. Maybe it was because of the love he felt for Padme.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter XII**

_It's like clinging to a thin tree limb,  
hanging from the side of a steep cliff.  
There is no way to look down,  
No way to see how far I could fall_.

_**From Like Falling Off a Cliff by Lex**_

Padme had noted how quiet Obi-wan was on the return to Bradeton. As the small transport touched down on the land pad of the retreat, he made his way from the ship without a word to her. Gathering her few possessions, Padme went to follow him.

After searching the living area, she found him standing on the balcony in her bedroom. No their bedroom. He looked determined, but sad as he stared into the distance.

Padme wanted to ask what had happened, but she knew Obi-wan and he would tell her when he was ready. The best thing to do was to wait and see what he wanted her to know about what was troubling him.

"The scars on your back," Obi-wan began, not looking at her, "those are from Geonosis?"

"They are," Padme said. She had explained the attack of the Nexu to him when he had noticed them.

"I remember the fight," he said turning to look at her, pain evident in his blue eyes. "I remember the Nexu."

Padme was unsure if she should be enthusiastic or cry. If he remembered, their budding relationship could be over. How could she be so selfish? Obi-wan was suffering with this painful memory and needed her comfort.

"How?" she asked reaching her hand to touch his arm. The feeling of her hand meant only to reassure him during this difficult time.

"In the market, there was a dealer who had a large collection of lightsabers," he said eyes unfocused. "Something flashed and I was in that arena."

"That's good though," she said tentatively.

"Good? The first thing I remember is the death of most of the jedi I know. Why am I being punished Padme?"

"Why do you think this is punishment?"

Obi-wan shook his head. His eyes welling with tears for all those people who he now knew where gone. How could one person relive such a difficult moment in life?

"C'mon," she said taking his hand and pulling him back towards the bedroom. "Let's get some tea and we'll talk some more."

Reluctantly he followed her toward the kitchen and sat at the small table in the nook while she put on the water for tea. Finally, after placing the cups out and retrieving the kettle, she sat down and faced him.

"The memory is painful, but Master Yoda said strong emotion could trigger many memories," Padme said quietly sipping her tea thoughtfully.

"I don't want these memories," Obi-wan said honestly looking deeply into her dark brown eyes.

"Maybe it's the will of the force to show you these things."

He pounded his fist on the small table making the cups shake and threaten to fall over. She noted the irritation in his expression and tried to plea with her eyes.

"Damn the force!"

Obi-wan stood from the table, his chair screeching against the tile floor and stormed from the room.

...

The news from Coruscant was not good. Padme had read through the mandate several times and yet still couldn't make her mind comprehend what it spelled out. It was disaster.

She held her face in her hands and wept silent tears. Trying times lay ahead, but she did not know what to do. Her mind could formulate no plan.

Quietly she wiped the tears from her cheeks and eyes. There was a dark time coming, just as Obi-wan had predicted.

As if on cue, Obi-wan entered the living area carrying a small bundle of wood to start a fire in the fireplace. He had finally started to cheer after remembering Geonosis.

The past month had been a romantic pleasure for them both. They made love at will and spent the rest of the time sharing each others confidence. Obi-wan had shared many secrets with her and she had told him everything she could think of about herself.

She couldn't hide her emotions from him and the demeanor of his manner changed to match hers. His eyes narrowed as he regarded her distressed expression.

"You wanna tell me?" he asked simply. It was her choice to make. That was the beauty of loving Obi-wan. There was never the pressure that other relationships often placed on her.

"The jedi have been recalled to Coruscant," she sighed rising from her seat and joining him at the fireplace. She picked up a piece of wood and threw it in the pit. Obi-wan placed a piece of wood in too and then grabbed her hand, grasping it tightly.

"I know," he said quietly and turned her to face him. He kissed the palm of her hand gently and then put her palm against his cheek.

"Were you going to tell me?" she asked, her temper flaring.

"Tell you about an order I was not following?" Obi-wan asked trying to soothe her.

"Yes. I think I had a right to know."

"Okay, now you know. I'm not going because it's a trap."

She smiled at him. He had just confirmed what she had suspected since reading the mandate. The Chancellor feared the jedi and this was his way to get them out of the way. Oh how he had fallen from the person Padme had admired when she was a young queen.

"Then you have a plan?" she asked tucking her hands around his neck and pulling him closer to her.

"Always," Obi-wan said kissing the bridge of her nose and then moving to her lips and tenderly kissing them.

"Wherever you go," she whispered against his lips, "I want to be there."

"No matter what," he said, "you are my first priority."

Padme cleared her throat nervously and blushed. She had never loved anyone more than she loved Obi-wan. He was the only thing that mattered to her. He was the air she breathed.

"I think we should commit to each other permanently," Obi-wan said leaning his forehead against hers.

Something inside Obi-wan had decided that she was worth risking his whole life. It didn't matter what the cost.

"Married?" Padme asked him, her voice shaking at the thought of being his wife. Was this all happening too quickly?

"Why not?" he laughed.

"Okay," she said hesitantly. Obi-wan had given up everything to be with her, but what had she sacrificed for him?

"Don't sound so convinced," Obi-wan said a little bit of hurt rising in his voice."

"It's just," she started and then gripped him for support. She felt faint. "I need to sit down."

Obi-wan helped her to a chair. His brows furrowed as he checked her over. He worried for her.

"Are you okay?" he asked kneeling before her and holding her hands. She was cold and clammy to the touch.

"Just a little taken by surprise," she explained smiling at him weakly.

"I'm sorry if this is too sudden," he explained. "I just don't want to be without you."

"Then we will get married," she said and bent to kiss his lips.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter XIII**_

My knight, dear knight; do you not see me?  
I'm the one that's been trying to break free  
My knight sir knight; do you hear my cries?  
If you take me away, I shall be your prize.

_**From No Need For Shining Armor by Miss Sunfire**_

"This dress has been worn by the women in our family for generations," Jobal said as she helped Padme slip the delicate lace garment over her head. The fit was perfect and Padme admired herself in the full length mirror as her mother buttoned the back.

"I remember when Sola wore this," Padme whispered running her fingers over the delicate lace.

Jobal finished the buttons and looked at Padme in the mirror. Tears prickled Padme's eyes as she finally saw herself in the gown. This day had played over and over in her head for years, but the groom had been a very different person.

"Sorry," Padme said and swiped at the tears forming in her eyes.

"Don't worry," Jobal said embracing her daughter. "When I put this dress on to marry your father, I cried like a baby."

...

Ruwee regarded the jedi thoughtfully as he smoothed his tunic again. The boy was nervous and he should be. This person was taking away Ruwee's daughter. Not that Padme couldn't handle herself, she had been the queen, but he was still a protective father.

"I will take care of her," Obi-wan assured Padme's father. He could sense the man's hesitation about the wedding.

"I respect you are a jedi, but she is still my daughter," Ruwee explained.

"There is no way I can understand, but she means more to me than anything," Obi-wan explained clamping Ruwee on the shoulder. He was sure if the roles were reversed, Obi-wan would be worried too and thanks to his marriage, he just might get the chance to have those feelings.

"It's just we are in precarious times," Ruwee said trying to smile. "Jedi aren't the most well looked upon at the moment. It could cause you both heartache."

Obi-wan knew being a jedi wasn't what it had once been. The murmuring he had heard weren't the most flattering, but he didn't want to be a jedi anymore. He wanted the life he had turned away from to follow the force. He wanted a family.

"For her," the younger man said, "I would give away everything I ever was or ever would be."

...

His breath was taken from his lungs in one fell swoop. Padme was the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever seen. She stood with a smile on her face, by the edge of the balcony of the Whispering Falls villa. The dress she wore hugged her curves and extenuated her body perfectly.

Obi-wan approached her passing the smiling faces of her mother and sister. He took her hand gently in his and beamed.

"You are beautiful," he whispered for her alone to hear.

"Not too bad yourself," she whispered back.

They both turned their attention to the officiant who was silently waiting for their attention. Obi-wan found that his hand was shaking slightly as he held hers. In all the time he could remember, he had never been so nervous.

"On Naboo," the officiant began, "We celebrate the love of two people by the joining of their spirits.

"The ceremony is a simple one. There is no need for frivolity when it comes to love."

Padme grasped his hand more tightly as the words were spoken. She was like a rock. So sure and so strong.

"If you would turn to face each other," the officiant said.

Obi-wan faced her. He stared into her brown eyes. How she sparkled. Obi-wan felt his eyes beginning to well, but he pushed the tears away.

"Do you Padme Naberrie promise to love and honor Obi-wan Kenobi until your spirit leaves your terrestrial body?" the officiant asked.

"Absolutely," Padme said, a smile parting her lips as she spoke. He couldn't help but smile back at her.

"And do you Obi-wan Kenobi promise to love and honor Padme Naberrie until your spirit leaves your terrestrial body?" the officiant asked turning to Obi-wan.

Before he could answer, the familiar sound of a lightsaber being ignited made Obi-wan snap his head toward the sound. His hand dropped to his own saber and he pushed Padme behind him to protect her.

Standing there staring angrily at Obi-wan was Anakin. The boy looked wild and his eyes were completely foreign.

"You hypocrite!" Anakin seethed through clenched teeth.

Obi-wan took up a defensive stance. Although he didn't remember, he was sure Anakin had come for Padme. There was no way he would get her as long as Obi-wan was still breathing.

"The whole reason you forbid me to see her was because you wanted her," Anakin said, every word dripping with anger.

"I don't remember any of that," Obi-wan protested.

"So that makes you unaccountable? How convenient."

"It's not convenient, it's the truth. She doesn't want to be with you."

Anakin stalked closer to where Obi-wan stood. Padme's family scrambled away, but Obi-wan could feel Padme standing defiantly behind him. Obi-wan wanted her to move, but he feared what Anakin would do to her.

"I want her," Anakin said as a storm rolled through his eyes.

"You can't have her. She is not a possession Anakin!" Obi-wan returned. Something was different about Anakin. He felt dark and ice cold in the force. It sent a shiver up Obi-wan's spine.

In that moment, Anakin made his move. He lashed out at Obi-wan, their lightsabers clashing in sparks and the smell of ozone. Obi-wan was aware of Padme running from behind him towards her family.

Anakin was distracted by the move, but Obi-wan knew it was only fleeting. Anakin had grown stronger and was close to overpowering the master.

"The dark side has made you arrogant," Obi-wan said as the two saber clashed again.

"It's made me powerful," Anakin growled pushing his saber towards Obi-wan's face.

Then Obi-wan felt the sinking feeling in his stomach. The child he had raised now stood before him, an animal. The training had all been wrong. Qui-gon had never seen what a monster Anakin would become. It made Obi-wan glad that his master had not lived to see this heartbreaking scene.

"What will you do Anakin, hunt down all the jedi?"

There was no answer as Anakin moved in closer striking harder and harder. Obi-wan felt the railing of the balcony pressing against his lower back. Anakin reached out a hand and invisible fingers latched onto Obi-wan's throat. Obi-wan remained calm, but he knew consciousness would be leaving him soon. His eyes darted towards where Padme stood in her wedding gown.

Obi-wan tried to convey his love for her with his eyes. He wanted her to know, no matter what happened, he would always be with her. Somehow he was resigned to his fate at Anakin's hands, but Obi-wan didn't want her to suffer the pain of his loss.

Then the world was black and he was falling.


	14. Chapter 14

**I want to put a disclaimer here so that if you don't want to read this chapter, you don't have to...There is some implied forced sex in this chapter, but it is not explicit in anyway. I know that some people don't like the forced sex idea and I wanted to let you back out now before reading the rest.**

**Chapter XIV**

_But then that aura only love can cast  
came to us and took away the past  
leaving two hearts with just one beat,  
In a space where we became complete …_

_**From Loves Aura by Dave Dunn**_

Padme awoke in pitch darkness. She had no idea where she was or what the room even looked like. All she knew was that she was on a cot and her dress was no longer on her body. Pulling her arms around her body, she tried to cover herself and warm her cold skin. There was no warming her cold soul.

Tears began to stream down her face. Padme let herself sob loudly. She mourned the man who was supposed to be her husband by now. Obi-wan was all that she could think about there in the darkness.

Was he looking for her? If he was, and she was sure he would, could he find her?

A door in the blackness cracked and she could see a sliver of light. Finally it swung open and light flooded the room. Padme quickly covered her eyes from the glaring pain it caused. As her eyes adjusted, she lowered her hand and Anakin towered just inside the door's thresh hold.

Fresh tears coursed down her already damp cheeks.

...

"Are you sure this tracing is accurate?" Obi-wan asked checking the datapad Captain Typho had given him again. The tracing hadn't changed, but he had to make sure.

"There is no indication he left airspace," Typho said clamping Obi-wan on the shoulder in a friendly gesture. They were all frightened by Padme's kidnapping.

"I think I'll follow the last trajectory," Obi-wan said and sighed. He hadn't slept in almost 24 hours. They had spent most of those hours trying to figure where Anakin had taken Padme and what the best way to get her back would be.

"You should get some rest," Typho said in a compassionate tone although he knew the other man wouldn't rest. Typho admired him.

"I can't rest," Obi-wan said angrily. Anger that was very unbefitting a jedi master. "I don't know what he is doing to her."

...

Padme sobbed loudly as Anakin held her down, taking pleasure in her body. She kept her eyes squeezed tightly closed as he did whatever he pleased with her. She was not here. That was the only thing that kept her from giving up completely.

When he had finished, Anakin stood and looked down on her. There was no pity in his eyes. Nothing in those windows to his soul was the Anakin she had remembered. That she had claimed to love.

Where had he gone?

"What has happened to you?" Padme's shaking voice spoke before she could stop it.

"I've learned a lot," Anakin said darkly. "I've learned to take what I want. I've learned that the jedi were never right. I've learned that Master Kenobi never wanted me to succeed and he only wanted you."

"You're sick!" she spat at him.

"He'll come for you," Anakin said arrogantly. "It's the jedi thing to do. And when he does, I'll make sure you never have to worry about him and how you feel again."

Anakin tapped twice on the door and it cracked open again.

"I'll never love you," Padme said in a defiant tone, crossing her arms over her bare chest.

"I can live with that."

...

The door to the underground home was well hidden, but Obi-wan found it easily. He didn't always need his eyes to see. Anakin had planned thoroughly for this kidnapping.

Opening the door he sensed no presence inside. Perhaps his former apprentice was carrying his plan out alone. Quietly, Obi-wan moved down the corridor toward the lower levels of the home. Everything was eerily quiet. It just didn't feel right.

"I knew you would come," Anakin's voice said from ahead. Obi-wan's hand dropped to his lightsaber hilt, but he did not draw it.

"Then show yourself," Obi-wan said calmly. He still had the light on his side, no matter what darkness he felt. Peace coursed through his veins. He was at one with the force.

"Oh Obi-wan," Anakin's voice said in a way which tried to taunt the jedi master. "You still rely on the old teachings when you could have so much more."

"I don't want more," Obi-wan said feeling as though he were channeling his own master. "Now is what I want."

Anakin's laugh echoed in the small hallway. It was a chilling sound which rang inside of Obi-wan's bones.

"You want what I have."

"She is a person, not a thing. You should get that through your head."

The laugh echoed again and reverberated off the walls. Obi-wan inhaled and let his breathing come steady. He closed his eyes and focused. Easily he picked out where Anakin was hiding, but he did not make a move towards the younger jedi. Stretching further, Obi-wan found Padme. He could sense her fear and pain.

Obi-wan sent a wave of calmness toward her. What he wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything would be fine. He was here now and he would take care of her.

"She doesn't want you!' Anakin said venomously from his hiding spot.

Obi-wan didn't respond. It's what Anakin wanted. That would be playing his game and that wasn't what Obi-wan had come to do. He had come to rescue his love. The person he knew he couldn't live without.

The battle began in the blink of an eye, Obi-wan's blade snapping to life quickly. Anakin pushed, poked and slammed into his blade. Obi-wan easily called on the force to block and parry all the strikes of the other jedi. There was no fear inside of him as he worked to push Anakin further from him.

Anakin radiated hate in the force. Yes, he was strong, but Obi-wan was more prepared for this exchange. He approached it remembering how he had triumphed over Darth Maul. That knowledge and the calmness of the force brought him to the present. To where he was overpowering Anakin and pushing him back further.

As Anakin backed himself further down the hall, Obi-wan let a small smile cross his face. The younger jedi was aware of his eminent loss, although he didn't want to give up. Desperation permeated the air between the two jedi.

"I don't want to destroy you," Obi-wan said honestly. He didn't want the Anakin he remembered to be gone. The laugh from his former apprentice was something he would miss. Those kinds of things would just have to live inside of Obi-wan's memories now as the true Anakin and not this twisted man.

"That's the difference between us," Anakin sneered. "I live to destroy you."

"Then stop living," Obi-wan said simply and raised his lightsaber over his head. The blow seemed very slow in Obi-wan's mind. How Anakin didn't deflect it, was beyond his knowledge and now belonged to the force alone. Obi-wan was merely it's vessel.

Anakin crumpled to the floor, not dead, but hurt. Obi-wan didn't wait for the other jedi to stir or rise again. He knew he had time. Padme was his main concern.

He opened the door to where he had felt her. Padme was huddled on the bed, naked. She had been crying and her eyes were puffy and red.

"Obi-wan!" she exclaimed and launched herself from the bed and into his arms. He enfolded her in his hug, kissing the top of her head.

"Did you kill him?" she asked clinging to his tunic with her hands as though she thought she might drown if she was away from him.

Obi-wan shook his head no. It wasn't the jedi way to strike another down. Anakin would answer for what he had done. Obi-wan would see he was returned to the council to pay for his actions. If only the jedi could hold together long enough to establish a new base of operations far from Coruscant.

"My love," he said and hugged her tightly again. "Things are going to change."

She nodded, "I've been preparing for it since I came home," she confirmed.

Obi-wan leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She was still full of surprises.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter XV**

_A mind at peace with all below, _

_A heart whose love is innocent!_

**From She Walks in Beauty by Lord Byron**

The council had asked Obi-wan to bring Anakin back to Coruscant to be punished for what he had done to Padme. The former jedi had obliged their request and now stood inside the council chamber looking out over Coruscant and waiting.

Master Yoda had not taken his resignation very well and had asked Obi-wan to stay on Coruscant for two days while the council debated the fate of a once mighty jedi. Unfortunately, Obi-wan knew that they would not change his mind.

He was not the same jedi he was before he had been injured and he wasn't sure that he ever wanted to be the jedi that these people remembered. He just wanted to be happy and he knew exactly how to achieve it.

"Obi-wan," the small voice said from across the chamber. "Speak with you I must."

Yoda ambled into the chamber and climbed into the seat which he occupied during council meetings as the focal point of the room and then gestured for Obi-wan to take the seat next to him.

"This I do not take lightly," the Grand Master said looking into Obi-wan's eyes. "Once a jedi, always a jedi."

"Master Yoda," Obi-wan began but was hushed by the small grunt which came from Yoda's throat.

"Explain you do not need to," Yoda finally said looking thoughtfully at his hands. Hands that were older every day, but still very lethal to those who chose to cross him. "Sense the feeling, I can."

"Then you know I might never be the jedi I was before and this, right now, is what I want. I'm of no use to the jedi if I cannot fight in a war that needs every capable man," Obi-wan said folding his hands neatly on his lap.

"Be who you are," Yoda said plainly, raising his eyes to look at Obi-wan again. The ancient jedi master had always had a soft place in his heart for this young man and now he had gone to the wire with the council to secure a good life for him. The force had told him Obi-wan should be set free and Yoda had, of course, listened.

...

Obi-wan had returned to Bradeton to the waiting arms of Padme. There, they had started a life which had been so terribly interrupted by Anakin Skywalker.

Obi-wan stood now looking out at the great mountains that surrounded their home. This was what he had chosen and he knew it was the right thing.

"Credit for you thoughts," Padme said from behind him as she stood just on the other side of the large glass door which led to the balcony area.

Obi-wan smiled as he saw her ever growing round form silhouetted against the light. She was truly glowing as she carried his child, something she had already known before he had gone back to Coruscant, but had wished to keep from him so that it wouldn't influence him in his decision to leave the order for her.

"It would take a million credits," he said and felt the breeze whipping against his body. This was the life he had fought for and it was the life that he had wanted. The code was far behind him and his new life of raising a family with the woman he loved lay ahead.


End file.
